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Post Info TOPIC: Unsupportive family issue...


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Unsupportive family issue...


Fellow future captains,

Just curious, is there anybody who has a promotion pending on this list with this problem?

I have a 2 year old, and the wife/wife's family do not want me to take the promotion because of child care/changing schedules.  They are opposed to the promotion because my steady tour happens to "work" out with child care for the present (I am a steady 4x12 Plt cmdr, watch her in the morning while she works, drop her off at her mother's to go to work, then she picks her up when she gets out of work at 4-non mos).  Placing her in day care when I get promoted is not an option, and what few sitters are available in the family just don't want to step up and help out, regardless of the fact that I need that help to make Captain.

I have tried everything at my disposal to sell it to her, including the pension, potential salary, career advancement opportunities, a command/take home car, etc., and none of it seems to work.

Anybody have the same or a similar problem? Any ideas?

Oh and P.S.: I am not giving up the promotion.



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SGT1701 wrote:

Fellow future captains,

Just curious, is there anybody who has a promotion pending on this list with this problem?

I have a 2 year old, and the wife/wife's family do not want me to take the promotion because of child care/changing schedules.  They are opposed to the promotion because my steady tour happens to "work" out with child care for the present (I am a steady 4x12 Plt cmdr, watch her in the morning while she works, drop her off at her mother's to go to work, then she picks her up when she gets out of work at 4-non mos).  Placing her in day care when I get promoted is not an option, and what few sitters are available in the family just don't want to step up and help out, regardless of the fact that I need that help to make Captain.

I have tried everything at my disposal to sell it to her, including the pension, potential salary, career advancement opportunities, a command/take home car, etc., and none of it seems to work.

Anybody have the same or a similar problem? Any ideas?

Oh and P.S.: I am not giving up the promotion.


happy wife, happy life.....  you have to sacrifice something,,,  if she is opposed and you take the promotion, is being captain worth the stress at work as well as at home????  how many miserable captains have we seen on this job already......... 

What is the point of making alot of money and being chief if your family suffers ..



-- Edited by IhaveNoHook on Sunday 31st of August 2014 05:13:56 AM

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You dont have to stay an XO in a Pct.  Do some time as an XO then put into to go to unit where the Capt has a little more stability with the schedule.



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...



-- Edited by Wannabecaptain on Monday 1st of September 2014 04:47:38 PM

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Wannabecaptain wrote:

I had a very similar situation when I was going to OCCB and my wife at the time didn't want me to go. I'm a grown man and I wear the pants so I went to OCCB. Then she banged another dude and took my kids. Now I'm divorced and I don't have to worry about those issues that you have because nobody gives a sh!t what time I work as long as the 25% comes in every other week.


 Life can be better as a Lieutenant........noticed I said LIFE is better........good point wannabe



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I always felt that if your wife leaves you because of the job then there was other underlying issues that caused the breakdown of the marriage.   If she is loving and supportive then she is loving and supportive.  If not, then it probably would have not worked out either way.



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I agree Lew. That woman was not right for me. She did not understand her role. I told her that my career comes first and that she should not be so selfish to expect me to put her and the kids above everything else.

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Wannabecaptain wrote:

I agree Lew. That woman was not right for me. She did not understand her role. I told her that my career comes first and that she should not be so selfish to expect me to put her and the kids above everything else.


 Wow. Seems like your ex-wife escaped living a miserable life with a self absorbed douchebagg.  Enjoy living your life by yourself.



-- Edited by smartcookie on Sunday 31st of August 2014 11:25:12 PM

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i wasnt directing that towards that you.  if you took it that way I apologize.  I meant, generally, that if a woman is loving and supportive then she will be loving and supportive.  That includes difficulties at work (especially difficulties that are the result of someone trying to better themselves).    but if a woman is going to leave you, not because you cheat, drink too much, or are abusive, but because you work odd/long hours than most likely their is underlying issues that are not related to work.



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smartcookie wrote:
Wannabecaptain wrote:

I agree Lew. That woman was not right for me. She did not understand her role. I told her that my career comes first and that she should not be so selfish to expect me to put her and the kids above everything else.


 Wow. Seems like your ex-wife escaped living a miserable life with a self absorbed douchebagg.  Enjoy living your life by yourself.



-- Edited by smartcookie on Sunday 31st of August 2014 11:25:12 PM


 It hurts because it's true.



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Thanks for the input (I didn't intend to create such a contentious thread though)

First off, turning down a promotion to captain is a career killer. It is a slap in the face to the Department; you're basically telling the chief, 'I can't work for you, you can't depend on me to help accomplish your mission.'  When the chief goes to a capt to get something done, they want somebody dependable, no matter how you dice it, they will frown upon it, they will grant you your wish, demote you back to Lt, and forever exile you to some Elba II command, buried alive in a dumping ground with no future hope for advancement..

Also, at some point (for those who want it), you need a bigger challenge and need to take on greater responsibility to grow as an individual professionally.  Some people dont mind staying a Lt and that's fine but I need a greater challenge. I'm sure everyone here has similar reasons why they want the rank as well.

There are other captains who have kids and families and they somehow manage to make it all work.  



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Bro...if becoming Captain and pleasing these Chiefs is more important than keeping ur wife and kids happy then I don't know what to tell u. If she leaves u and takes child support and half ur pension then what is that extra Captain pay gonna do for u? Nothing.

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Bro.
Spouses can always get a job that pays better than Captain. Then, no worries.

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eze


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Most of the people who complain about the schedule for new captains complain that it's hard to get the evenings off. Since you're not looking to keep a day tour schedule it shouldn't be too bad for you. You'll be working mostly 4x12's and midnights anyway, so you should be able to care of your 2-year old. For your midnights you can volunteer to do them on the weekends. Do three 4x12s and two RDOs on the weekdays and you're set.

You'll do plenty of duties as a newly promoted captain (I used to do 15-16 per month in PBMN). But, one thing you have to remember: when you have the duty you don't necessarily have to do that duty, it just means you're responsible for making sure that it gets covered. Meaning if you can swap with someone then all is good. Just look at the duty schedule and see who has the weekend duty; I bet they'll jump at the chance to do your weekday midnight for their weekend 4x12.

Also, tell your wife that your gig isn't guaranteed; a new CO can come in and bounce you right out. If that doesn't work then add-up all the overtime hours you did as a lieutenant and divide by 9. Tell your wife that had you been a captain when you did that overtime that would be additional days off you could have used to spend with the family....  



-- Edited by eze on Tuesday 2nd of September 2014 02:27:46 AM

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Thanks eze. Lol, thanks Lloyd. It's definitely helping.



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I've never seen them complain while spending my money.

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I've never seen a happy Captain... But every LT seems to be smiling...my current CO makes it no secret that getting promoted to capt ruined his marriage and life

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I'm ready for the promotion. I a not married and I have no children. My current schedule is so good that I am able to hangout 5-6 nights a week and meet different women who love to spend my money doing crap, which is awesome of course but gets crazy expensive but I have no other responsibilities in life except show up to work so I keep doing it. I think when I get promoted not only will I be making more money but the schedule will be so f***ed up that I won't be available to spend loads of money every week, in essence I will be saving money. Brat...any word on the first class from this list?

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The academy is moving soon. I wouldn't count on another class until after the end of the year.

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Promotional classes have already begun at Queens.



-- Edited by infinity on Monday 8th of September 2014 06:05:07 PM

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Yeah I don't think they can wait until the end of the year without promoting. I'm guessing two classes before the new year

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SGT1701 wrote:

The academy is moving soon. I wouldn't count on another class until after the end of the year.


 Agreed.



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15 on sept 29


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